Wait. Let me rephrase the question… Who needs a story in a movie with robots from outer space that transform into big rigs and war planes? I’m of course referring to the third installment of the Transformers franchise, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, set to debut July 1st, 2011. Look, I’m not trying to downplay the importance of the story; it all starts with the story; no story, no film, no money! But money is what it all boils down to with these blockbusters. Get people in the theater. Get them to to come back, twice, maybe thrice! I’m almost ashamed to say it but I saw Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom Menace FOUR times on opening day! I don’t brush my teeth four times in one day. I suppose that’s mainly because excessive brushing leads to heightened sensitivity and reduction in tooth enamel, and that’s bad! But so was Episode I! That didn’t keep me from spending $40 worth in movie tickets to see Darth Maul and his wicked double-edged lightsaber bounce around the room and whoop-up on the good guys. But I digress.


Speaking strictly from a special effects perspective, the Transformers films have been nothing short of visual masterpieces. Director, Michael Bay has an affinity for creating spleen-rupturing effects and this film shows no signs of delivering anything less. But something has to set this film apart from the others. Solution: make it 3D. Problem solved!

Ok, so what about the story? Based on the popular animated series, Transformers is about a race of alien robots that land on earth in what’s called the Ark. The Autobots (the good guys) take the form of cars and trucks, while their enemies, the Decepticons, take the form of jets, planes and weapons. Everybody with me so far? Enter the Allspark: a cube-like structure which holds the key to everything and whose recovery is of the utmost importance because should it fall into Decepticon hands, it would mean the end of everything. The underdog Autobots befriend the humans while chaos and mayhem ensues as both sides duke it out in attempt to recover the Allspark. While some of the details and plot points may change from film to film it basically comes down to a story about good v.s. evil. It’s a very common theme found in film; one with which everyone can identify.

The point I’m trying to make here is we don’t need a deep, elaborate story in a film like this. Try to remember why we go to see these movies. It’s not to explore character or have our ear canals massaged by the oscar-winning dialogue of Aaron Sorkin (writer, Social Network). We go because we want to see high speed car chases, explosions, and scantily-clad women. Speaking of which, Megan Fox will not be joining the cast on this film due to cut backs in bad acting. Her replacement is acclaimed Victorias Secret model, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. She’s no stranger to director, Michael Bay whom she’s worked with in the past on a Victorias Secret commercial. You know, the one where three models are walking across the desert with a helicopter flying over head and giant explosions erupting in the background? I didn’t believe myself until I saw it with my own eyes. Check it out! And if you like that, chances are you’ll love the new Transformers film. If not, then don’t go- more seats for the rest of us. I, for one, am psyched to see this one because I know exactly what I’m going to get. And if there happens to be a decent story behind it all, I’ll take it as an added bonus. Wait…this just in: Megan Fox has crashed her trailer through Huntington-Whiteley’s front yard and is threatening to steal her pretty pink lingerie. Now there is a story!